I rarely update my blog.
There are two reasons for this:
1.) I’m usually too busy working on various writing projects
such as not working on any writing projects and playing Assassins Creed 3.
2.) I don’t consider myself a “blogger” so I have no real desire
to constantly inundate you with every inane detail about the ridiculously exciting
life I live as an obscure-writer-type-guy.
But today things are a bit different. Thanks to Eirik Gumeny
- author of the Exponential Apocalypse books (Read them now if you haven’t
already. They’re destined to be future cult classics!), founder of my alma
mater Jersey Devil Press, and all around hilarious writer/mofo – I have been
tagged in The Next Big Thing Blog Chain, which, as you can surmise from the
name of it, is a blog chain where I’m going to talk about my next big thing. In
this particular case, that would be my next book which I’m finishing up as we
speak and should be out in a few months from Rooster Republic Press.
So here’s how it this blog chain works:
Essentially you find some questions below which I’m going to
answer. Then at the end I’m going to tag some other writers I like and they’re
gonna answer the same questions. Then they’re gonna tag some writers they like
to answer the questions. And so on and so on and so on until everyone in the
world has said everything there is to be said and there are no more words left
unspoken for the remainder of mankinds time in this universe.
Sounds like fun, right? WELL THEN, LET’S GET STARTED!
What is
your working title of your book (or story)?
My next book is actually going to be a series
of three stand alone novellas that will be all bundled together under a single
cover in one nice, little package. Like firewood. Or cigarettes. The actual
book doesn’t have a title yet but the three novellas in it are titled as
follows:
KNIGHTS OF THE WHITE CASTLE
SOMNAMBULANT
ME & ME & ME & ME & ME &
ME & ME & ME
Where did
the idea come from for the book?
Well, since there
are three books in it I guess I’ll run through them all here:
The idea for
KNIGHTS OF THE WHITE CASTLE I had several years ago. I was driving past a White
Castle and I began wondering why it was called that. I guess this was before everyone
had smartphones because otherwise I would’ve just looked it up immediately.
Actually, I think
I’m going to look it up right now. Hold please...
...Oh cool. Here's the link to that if you’re interested in the history of White
Castle, but let me assure you, it is substantially less entertaining than the
rest of my answers to these dumb questions.
Anyway, where was I? Oh right, so I drove by and was wondering why it was
called White Castle. Then I drove past a Burger King and Dairy Queen and I just
thought it was weird that all these fast food franchises were nominally related
to medieval feudalism somehow. So I just took it one step further. One very
weird step further.
SOMNAMBULANT was
another idea I had years back and I’ll be honest, I have no clue where it came
from. It was so long ago. If I had to guess I’d say I was bored at work and
thinking about where to find a hiding space where could take a quick nap without getting fired. The
story is about a sleepwalker if you haven’t put it together yet. That’s what
somnambulant means. Get a dictionary.
ME & ME &
ME & ME & ME & ME & ME & ME is the one that I’m currently
working on. I like to listen to music when I write. I put my headphones on and
turn it up real loud. I guess some people might find that distracting but I
find it helps me fall into the rhythm of writing. Plus it fills in all those
awkward moments where I’m staring at my computer screen like mongoloid while I
think of what to write next. Me & Me & Me & Me & Me & Me
& Me & Me is a more somber tale than the others and the idea came to me
while listening to “No Surprises” from Radiohead.
What genre
does your book fall under?
Satire. Humor.
Bizarro. Sci-fi. Pre-apocalyptic.
Schlock. Pervy shit. Fergilcious.
Which
actors would you choose to play your characters in a movie rendition?
You know what? Originally I had picked just
one of the novellas and spent an hour sitting on my couch thinking about which
actors would play which characters, but in the end, I didn’t like any of my
answers. So every character in every novella I would like to be played by
Martin Lawrence in varying degrees of crossdressing/fatsuits.
What is the
one-sentence synopsis of your book?
Three tales of dumb
shit you’ll probably hate.
Will your
book be self-published or represented by an agency?
An agency? Like the
CIA?
Nah. It’s coming
out through small-press.
Rooster Republic Press, to be exact.
How long
did it take you to write the first draft of your manuscript?
Each novella is
around 15,000 words and the first draft usually takes a around a month. Or two.
But that’s the easy part. Trying to make some sort of cohesive story out of 35
pages of rambling pop culture philosophy and bizarro dick jokes? Things get
tricky.
What other
books would you compare this story to within your genre?
To be a writer you
basically are just ripping off other writers smarter than you, then crapping it
out and calling the smell your own. In that way this book will be like every
book I’ve ever read.
Who or what
inspired you to write this book?
Um...well, boredom
is always a factor. I had just got fired from my shitty day job and was spending
my days watching Keeping Up With the
Kardashians on E! That Scott Disick – what a character, amiright? Anyway,
about that time I got an email from Etienne DeForest who helps run Rooster Republic Press. My short story “Apple of my iPhone” had just appeared in their
last anthology TALL TALES WITH SHORT COCKS 2 (Buy a copy this instant, you assholes!) He was all like “Whatcha workin on now?” And I was like “I had a
couple of ideas for these novellas and such.” And he was like “You should turn
those ideas into actual stories and perhaps we will publish them.” And I was
all like “Well that’d be awesome. I’ll start working on it immediately.”
And by immediately
I of course meant after The Kardashians
were over.
What else
about your book might pique the reader’s interest?
I’m tired so if I haven’t done it yet, then I
give up.
* * * * * * * *
So there you have it. Now you know all about
my new book. OH – the book itself doesn’t have a title yet, so if anyone has
any ideas, I would love to hear them. It could be related to the stories
themselves or a non sequitur would also work. Remember, there are no dumb
suggestions, just dumb people.
So before I sign off let me direct you to the
three writers I tagged to participate in the Next Big Thing Blog Chain. Without
further a-doo-doo, here they are:
Arthur Graham – writer of the funny, trippy, experimental novel Editorial and the editor of my new as-yet nameless book. He’s very
active on Goodreads, so you should probably send him a friend request there and
then he can leave hilarious and asinine comments on your book reviews just like
he does on mine!
David Wallace Fleming – silky-voiced writer of several volumes of funny short fiction
like this one, and this one. He’s also got a sweet audiobook for Not From Concentrate that you can buy. I used to listen to it on my way to work when I had a job I had to drive
to. It made my commute much less shitty.
Douglas Hackle – is a writer guy who I don’t believe has a novel out yet, but he
fucking should. He has written some of the best short stories I’ve ever read
online. Like this one. Did you read it? Holy fuckballs – three sentences in and I
was sold. I’ve already pledged my undying allegiance to the Church of Hackle. You
should too.
There you have it folks. Have fun. The end.
Danger
