Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Attention Shoppers:

Just when you thought it was safe to exchange that multipack of striped tube-socks your mom bought you for Christmas, comes a horror story of non-refundable proportions! 
Read my latest, THE MUMMY RETURNS! WITHOUT A RECEIPT! or be foreced to wander the halls of retail babylon for the next thousand years!  You can find it at the daily flash magazine Weirdyear. I suggest you go now before it's too late!
Beware the mummy's curse!  Beware the skinny denim!  Beware the smart-ass twenty-something retail clerks who only got a job because their parents were forcing them to 'learn some responsibility'!
Beware!  Beware!  BEWARE!


Hope you enjoy,

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like HELL!

Exorcise your holiday spirit and read my holiday-themed short story, MALL SATAN, at my all-time favorite on-line magazine, Jersey Devil Press!
Help spread the Antichristmas fear!


Happy Holidays,

Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Over 800 Gazillion Served!

Ladies, Gentleworms and Killers of All Ages,
I am proud to present my most-delicious, most-nutritious, most-fictitious story to date:
It's like Fast Food Nation meets Mass Effect 2 with a side of Lovecraft and 32oz. of ice-cold sarcasm!  And there's even a free toy inside for the kids!
Found on the value menu over at Red Fez, it comes with a no-questions-asked 100% satisfaction guarantee!  Or your monkey back!
So what are you waiting for?  The cows to come home?  Because they're not coming home.  They're your dinner.  So put down that greasy burger, loosen your belt, pop a few Tums, and feast your eyes:


Hope you enjoy.

Happy trails,

Sunday, November 21, 2010

Blintzkrieg Bop!

The horrors of World War II meet the importance of a properly balanced breakfast in my latest micro-fiction tale, BLINTZKRIEG!  You can find over at the aptly named Short, Fast, and Deadly.
Blood and guts and thin little pancakes?
Revisionist history has never been so delicious.



Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Danger and the Devil - Reunited Again!

Some super-duper new short story action is happening right now at my favorite online lit-mag, the Jersey Devil Press! 
The innocuously-titled A ROBOT'S SONNET by Yours Truly is up for your eyeballing pleasure!  I guarantee it's the only story you'll read today about a novel-writing robot who can't pair a glass of wine if his life depended on it.
Read it, and check out the other stories they got posted up, and give yourself a mindgasm!
Here's the linkage:



Wednesday, September 1, 2010

Cocktails, Anyone?

I've got some incendiary new flash fiction exploding across the pages of The Molotov Cocktail!
It's called THE FAN CLUB and I guarantee it will melt your brain!
Help fuel the fire and read it up:



Monday, August 2, 2010


Remember your first love?
How beautiful it was? The intensity you felt? The werewolves and prostitutes and and satanic masses? The awkward mishandling of each other's genitals?
Well, now you can relive every horrible second of it by reading my new story LIFE WITH GRETCHEN over at the Seahorse Rodeo Review [August]. They even put a super sexy picture of me looking super sexy in it:

Click here!

Check it out or be forever unrequited,

p.s. Also check out the recipe I wrote on the second to last page. It's explosive!

This Wacky Weather! Again!

Have you read my story THIS WACKY WEATHER yet?
Of course you haven't! You hate reading. It's so boring.
Well, here's your chance to be bored once again, as you can now find my open letter/short story/softcore porn epic THIS WACKY WEATHER reprinted by the breakfast-lovers over at Hobo Pancakes.
Experience it again and again, for the first time. Again!

Do it to it,

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

My Name In Lights!

What are you doing reading this? Why aren't you buying the 2010 Jersey Devil Press Anthology? I wrote one of the stories in it. You like my stories, don't you? You said you did. Were you lying to me? Now my feelings are hurt. No no no, don't worry about me. I'm just going to eat this ENTIRE CHOCOLATE CAKE AND CRY MYSELF TO SLEEP!
You insensitive prick...
Or you can quit wasting time and spend your money here: http://www.jerseydevilpress.com/?page_id=224 or here: http//www.amazon.com/2010-Jersey-Devil-Press-Anthology/dp/098461270X/ref=sr_1_cc_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1279989370&sr=1-1-catcorr or here: http://search.barnesandnoble.com/books/e/9780984612703/?itm=1

Monday, July 5, 2010

Facebook Friends Unite!

I started a Facebook group to help promote the blog, which in turn will help promote my writing, which in turn will help promote me, which in turn will help promote you........at your job!
That's right folks, joining my Facebook group will give you that extra-edge you need at work!
You'll be thanking me later when your smoking a big, fat cigar on your private yacht, rap-video girls all dancing up on your crotch, mountains of cocaine on the patio deck, the Caribbean sun giving you that healthy, brown tan you've always wanted but couldn't get during those drippy, New Jersey winters...
....or you could just go about your life and not join the Facebook group.
The choice is yours.


Your Friendly Neighborhood Danger! Man

Thursday, July 1, 2010

This Wacky Weather!

People of Earth,
Look in the sky!
It's a bird! It's a plane!
It's a cloud that rains amputated limbs!
Combat your carbon footprint by reading my new short story THIS WACKY WEATHER over at the Seahorse Rodeo Folk Revival [July]. Did you know that for every one online journal you read you save 14 trees worth of paper? It's true!
...Well, it might be true.
Heres the link:

Hope you enjoy.

Wednesday, June 23, 2010

Snowpocalypse Strikes Back!

That's right, boys and girls, you're worst fears have come true.
SNOWPOCALYPSE is back! And it's bigger than ever!
Now you can buy your very own copy of SNOWPOCALYPSE as well as several other great stories from Jersey Devil Press by pre-ordering the 2010 Jersey Devil Press Anthology! And, if that wasn't enough, order between now and it's release date on July 27th and get another one of their books, or a second copy of the anthology for only $25!
Don't be a fool! Be prepared!
The more copies you have, the more kindling you'll have when the SNOWPOCALYPSE hits. I mean, have you ever tried burning a computer? It's not that easy...
Anyway here's a link:

Until we meet again,

Thursday, June 10, 2010


They say good things come in small packages, and sometimes the shortest of stories can be but a precursor to something grand.
Just as the acorn can become a mighty oak,
Just as a baby will grow into a man,
Just as my dinner will soon become poop,
I too, have a small package
What I mean is, I have a new short story! Super-short! Ultra-short! 100 words to be exact, called MY WIFE IS A HEAD OF LETTUCE.
And get this, it's published in an audio magazine! Now even the illiterate can enjoy quality flash fiction as much as any pretentious Liberal Arts major! You can find it on my favorite audio/fiction magazine The Drabblecast [episode 167. About 10 minutes in, though I implore you to listen to the entire show, as it is pretty awesome]
or, if you're so inclined, download it for FREE on iTunes.

Until next time, happy hunting.

Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Snowpocalypse hits New Jersey!

Greetings Earthlings.
How are you all? Feeling good? Relaxed? Happy?
My new short short SNOWPOCALYPSE is in this month's issue of Jersey Devil Press! It's the end of the world, motherfuckers. Only my story will give you the tools you need to survive the impending disater. Also, it might elicit a chuckle or two, but they will be chuckles of TOTAL, IRREPUTABLE, UNDENIALBE ANNIHILATION!!!
Trust me, this is a can't miss tale.
Thanks kids. Good night and good luck.
Here's the link:

Thursday, March 25, 2010


Welcome to the most dangerous blog on the internet!
Why is it dangerous, you ask?
Because I use a lot of exclamation points!
If you don't know me, I am a writer. This page is my home.
It all begins somewhere. And that place is here.
So sit back, friends, and enjoy the ride.

Hugs and Kisses,