Two New Stories!

Good Morning Faithful Readers!

I'm going to skip the usual theatrics (sorry, no donkey show this week, folks) and get right to the meat of the matter. NEW STORIES!!!!

First up, some new flash fiction up at The Flash Fiction Offensive:

WEREHAND - you know, like a werewolf...but with a hand...

And secondly, an epic new story up at none other than the greatest lit-mag on the dark side of the internet Jersey Devil Press:

RED HOT PANDA LOVE - it's a story of science, sex, religion and pandas. This is one of my personal favorites and if you consider yourself a fan of mine, I implore you to check it out.

There you go. Fun for the whole family. You have lots of reading to do. I'll leave you to it.

Until we meet again,
Danger!

I Will Make You Love Me!

How's it going, Internet?

So, I know you already own a copy of my debut novel LOVE ME.
That's a given. Right? RIGHT?!?
Well, just in case you're not sure of what to think, here are a couple of reviews it has recieved so far:

The Hipster Book Club had some very nice things to say about it, as did Hampton Reviews, who gave it 5 stars. And 5 stars just happens to be what LOVE ME recieved from Jagged Edge Reviews as well.

So count 'em. Three reviews so far! And they all liked it!

Q: How can three people be wrong?
A: They can't. It's scientifically impossible.

So there you have it. You are bound by your faith in logic and science to praise LOVE ME in all it's various form, be it the Paperback or Kindle or the Holy Ghost.

And keep your eyes peeled, Dangerlings, because I have it on good authority that there are several more reviews coming in over the next few months.

Actually, don't peel your eyes. That'd be gross.

Hugs and kisses,
Danger!

Two Things!

Hello y'all.

Two quick things for you today:

#1. I have a new poem out called ODE TO BANANA at Clutching At Straws. I'm not much of a poet, but they like their verse weird over there, so on that front, I am happy to deliver.

ODE TO BANANA

#2. Jersey Devil Press has a new book out! Well, it's not exactly a new book as it came out in e-format a 2 months ago, but it's new in paperback, which is good news for you Luddites out there who enjoy books that eventually will rot. That is, unless you're really, REALLY a Luddite, in which case you probably only like your books in stone tablet form. I'm getting off topic here. What I'm trying to say is buy the paperback version SCREW THE UNIVERSE, the latest novel from Stephen Schwegler and Eirik Gumeny. I read it. It's funny as shit. Funny as clown shit, even.

SCREW THE UNIVERSE

Good times. Good times.
~ Danger!

You're Fired!

Hello out there in Internetland!

May I direct your attentinon to Ryan Werner's literary project Our Band Could Be Your Lit.

If you don't know, at OBCBYL, Werner has taken on the challenge of writing flash fiction based off of songs suggested to him by other artists. Since I sometimes like to take a shit on my computer keyboard and then send if off to magazines for publication, I am such an "artist", which is why I suggested to him a song, which he turned into a story, which is now on the computer for your reading pleasure.

Here is Magic In Reverse based off of the Dead Milkmen's "If You Love Someone, Set Them On Fire" as suggested by me. It's the beautiful story of young love, the magic of youth, and self-immolation. And other-people-immolation, as well. Lot's of immolation in that story there.
Anyway, read it and find out for yourself:

MAGIC IN REVERSE

Please enjoy.
Love,
Danger_Slater

Bananahead!

Hi-ho, Dangerlings!

May I direct your attention over to the fantastic lit-zine The New Flesh to check out my latest piece of flash fiction, BANANAHEAD!

It's a tale of unscrupulous corporate greed, tabloid journalism, proper nutrition and sexual deviance. And the main character also happens to have a banana for a head.

BANANAHEAD

And keep your eyes peeled, fellow readers, because I have a different banana-related piece coming out in a week or two. Yeah, I like bananas. You got a problem with that?

Love,
Danger!

For Those About to Rock...

Are you guys ready to rock-n-roll????

Of course, by rock I mean mineral matter of variable composition condensed in mass by either heat or water, and by roll I'm obviously referring to a baked piece of bread used for sandwiches.

[obnoxious AC/DC voice] Are you guy ready for those two things???

Well, tough titty. My new short story BAND PRACTICE is not about minerals or bread. It's about music.

Sort of...

For anyone that's ever played in a band back in high school or ever dreamed of playing in a band...or even anyone who attended your friend's band's shitty practice his mom's garage, then this story is for you!!!

BAND PRACTICE

Head on over to the rockin' Waterhouse Review and check it the hell out!

See ya,
~ Dangernicity

Shitty Shitty Bang Bang!

Hello everybody!

I have a brand-spanking-new piece of flash fiction out today for your reading (dis)pleasure over the bizarro 'zine The Mustache Factor.
Finally an existential, philosophical, metaphysical fart joke that answers the question, "What if the shit I'm shitting is not my own?" The story is called PLOPPELGANGER and it stinks. In a good way. What are you waiting for? Go read!

PLOPPELGANGER

Thanks y'all.
~ Danger!

Trailer Trash!

Here is a trailer for The Zombie Feed Vol. 1 anthology, which is the only place you'll be able to read my short story HIPSTERS IN LOVE.

Fuck yeah!

Also, in case you were on the fence about buying this particular anthology, thinking "zombies are so overplayed. I want something original, like vampire romance," then you should check out this review from hellnotes.com. They had some very nice things to say about HIPSTERS IN LOVE, plus some of the other fine work in the book as well.

Here's those links again:

Buy
Review
Funny Twilight parody

At ease soldiers,
~ Danger!

Interview!

Hello,

Head on over to Hampton-Networks book reviews to read a new, lengthy interview with your favorite author. No, not this guy. I'm talking about me, you asshole. Click the link below and see me evasively answer serious questions with tactless humor and sarcasm.

CLICK HERE TO READ!!!

I also believe they will have a review of my novel Love Me forthcoming, so stay tuned for that.

That's all for now, kids.
Love,
Danger_Slater

Three Questions!

Greetings out there in Internetland,

I have a short, three-question interview over at Maggie Slater's blog [of no relation].
Maggie and I are both author's of short stories in the The Zombie Feed vol. 1, which is the only place you can find my now-legendary short story HIPSTERS IN LOVE.
Anyway, go read the interview, buy The Zombie Feed vol. 1, [while you're at amazon, feel free to pick up a copy of Love Me and all of Jersey Devil Press's other fine books] and enjoy the hell out of all of it.

Here's the link to the interview one more time:

Three Questions with Danger_Slater

Goodbye,
- D!

Love Me Is Out! Buy It! Now!

HOLY SHIT MY BOOK IS OUT TODAY! FUCKIN' BUY IT ALREADY! AAAGGGGHHHH!!!

Amazon paperback - $9.99

Amazon kindle - $1.99

Smashwords [all other digitial formats] - $1.99

Not sure this book is for you? Take a hit of the first chapter then, for free, right here.
Addicted now? I'm sure you are! Well then...

BUY! BUY! BUY!

Thank you!
- Danger_Slater

Oh...also go ahead and 'like' Love Me's facebook page by clicking this link!

A Good Ol' Fashioned Facebook Orgy!

Greetings Fellow Readers!

Only one week until Love Me!

Join the Love Me event on Facebook! Intive all your Facebook friends, family, co-workers, casual acquaintances, strangers you thought were hot, 'silly' pages set up for your cat/dog/ferret, fellow church members, creepers, and most importantly, invite yourself to what some people (mainly myself) are calling the greatest literary event of the millenium!

Love Me Release Facebook Event!!!

Fantastic!
-Danger_Slater

Test Drive Love Me Today!

Stop reading this right now and head on over to Jersey Devil Press where you can read the the first chapter of Love Me! For free!
When your done, you can donate your hard-won dollars to Jersey Devil Press and recieve a paperback copy of Love Me and a copy of Eirik Gumeny and Stephen Schwegler's e-book, Screw The Universe! That's two books for the price of...well...er...two. But they're very good books. I promise.
And don't forget, kids, AUGUST 9TH is Love Me's official release date! That's so close! Holy crap! Start saving your lunch money!!!

Love Me - Chapter 1!!!

It's like crack, son. You know you want more.

- Danger

Call Me Ishmael!

Greetings and salutations my loyal minions!

I have something very special for you today. My first piece of published poetry! And in typical Danger fashion, it is very short, very weird and quite possibly the greatest arrangement of words the world has ever seen!
Also, it's about whales.
And body hair.
It's called SHAVE THE WHALES and you will find it on the only on-line poetry magazine crazy enough to run a poem about whales and/or shaving them - Clutching At Straws! Good stuff they're doing over there. Check them out!

SHAVE THE WHALES

Tell Queequeg that Danger sent ya,
- D!

Love Me Release Date and Pre-Order and Fundraiser!

Yes, August 9 will be the official release date of LOVE ME!
It will be available as a paperback and an e-book. Oh, and did I mention there are illustrations in it by the renegade-viking of the art world Shawn Vales?
How excited are you! Hopefully you're so excited you want to empty your pockets right now because Jersey Devil Press is having a fundraiser! For the generous sum of $25 you will get a free pass into Heaven, plus a paperback copy of LOVE ME and an e-book by the very talented Eirik Gumeny and Stephen Schwegler called SCREW THE UNIVERSE! With a title like that, there's no way it could be bad! These books will arrive at your home wrapped in floral-scented tissue paper and/or digitally encoded files a whole freakin' week before they're released! You'll be the first of your friends to say 'I got these two books no one has heard of!'
Of course, you don't have to give. You can always buy LOVE ME in August when it comes out. But for just $.83 a day, the cost of a cup of highly-deadly plutonium, wouldn't you like the satisfaction of knowing you helped a starving on-line magazine find a loving owner [*insert sad Sarah McLachlan song here*]?
I guess what I'm really trying to say to with all of this is BE PREPARED TO BUY MY BOOK SOON BECAUSE IF YOU DON'T I'M GOING TO KARATE CHOP YOU IN THE NECK AND IT'S GOING TO BE A VERY UNPLEASANT EXPERIENCE! AUGUST 9TH, FUCKFACE! MARK YOUR CALENDER!

Visit the Jersey Devil Press website HERE to learn more!

Love,
Danger_Slater

Stop! Drabble Time!

Hello Dangerlings,

Once again, you'll be able to enjoy my fantastic, spastic, plastic flash fiction in audio form! For your listening pleasure, a drabble is up on this weeks Drabblecast called PORKWOOD!

Stream it here or go download it to you iPod for FREE on iTunes!

And in case you missed it, or perhaps want to relive it again for the first time, check out my other drabble that many critics, mostly myself, have called "...a modern masterpiece...far surpassing anything that thesaurus-thumping hack Charles Dickens ever barfed onto paper..." My Wife Is a Head of Lettuce!

PORKWOOD!!!

Until we "meat" again,
Danger!

Book Cover!

There is it, folks. The official cover for Love Me. Releasing in August.

Click here to check out Love Me's page on the Jersey Devil Press website. Let us know what you think. Or we'll find you. And harm you.

LOVE ME

Hugs and kisses,
Danger!

Love Me Announced!

That's right, kids.  My debut novel has been annouced!
It's called LOVE ME and it will be released by none other than the greatest jersey-devil-related-online-literary-magazine in the past three years, Jersey Devil Press!  Check it out HERE!!!
Now, I know you all have a million questions:
1. What's it about?
2. When will it be released?
3. I want lunch!
4. Who are you?
To answer:
1. I'm not telling.  But think Candide meets the Toxic Avenger on a low-budget porn set while David Lynch and Kurt Vonnegut argue over the script in the background.
2. It's coming out this summer.  No release date yet, but I can assure you, there is currently an army of mad scientists dilligently working on it as we speak, making sure every comma, every colon, every sphincter is securely in place.
3. That's not a question.  But check your fridge.
4. And who am I?  I'm Danger_Slater, motherfucker.  You're on my webpage.

More details to come.

Click it!

Love,
Me.

Blog-A-Long!

Greetings Dangerlings,
I have a very special blog post over at The Zombie Feed called E-mails of the Dead.  You can read it HERE.  And don't forget to order The Zombie Feed Anthology vol. 1 featuring my brain-crunching short story HIPSTERS IN LOVE.  I believe the anthology is shipping this upcoming week, so get your pre-order in now and the editor will autograph it for you and not inject the pages with the deadly Solanum virus which will slowly transform you into a zombie as you read it.  And as I believe my story is the last one in the book, it would be a damn shame if you became a mindless zombie before you got to enjoy it.
After you've enjoyed it, you can do whatever the fuck you want.
Here's some linkage:

E-mails of the Dead

HIPSTERS IN LOVE

Thanks,
Danger!

Zombie Nation!

Calling all Undead Fiends,
Pre-orders are now being taken for the very first anthology from The Zombie Feed, featuring a previously unpublished story by your favorite author/atom bomb, Danger_Slater!
That's right, kids.  This story will only be available if you order the book!
It's called HIPSTERS IN LOVE, a blood-soaked, brain-chomping, hipster-bashing slice of end of the world goodness! 
So what are you in store for?  Here's a short excerpt, to whet your appetite:

"We should start a band," Rob interrupts, playing the same 3-chord riff over and over and over again.



"Jesus, you two are giving me a headache," Vikki rubs her temples.


"Maybe you're turning," Rob tells her.


"Not funny," she replies. She sits on the counter and crosses her legs, almost painfully, as her pencil-thin jeans don't leave much room for movement. "When are Marco and X getting back?"


I look at my watch; Snap, Crackle, and Pop tick around the clockface. I got it from a cereal box. "Its only been an hour," I go.


On the table in front of me is a months-old copy of Newsweek. The cover reads in red bold-font APOCALYPSE! I haven't read the article yet. I'm not too into reading. Unless it's Palahniuk. Then it's...tolerable.


"I hope they find some Chai Tea. I can get kind of cranky when I don't get my caffeine fix," Vikki says.


"Really? We hadn't noticed," Rob chimes in, not looking up. She sneers at him, her grapefruit lips parting like the Red Sea; her smile an ocean of piranha.


From the boarded-up windows, the sound of pounding fists continues. Like rain spattering a sidewalk. I find it relaxing - the clawing, scrapping, the soft guttural moans of the outside world. Nevermind the fact that those fists are attached to bloodlusting zombies - the ravaged undead city, forever pulsing, trying to get in. I suspect they want to eat our brains. Or tear us to shreds. I suspect they want to come in and destroy the last bastion of civilization we've built here in this coffeeshop. Who knows? It's like music - the pounding. Just like drums. Maybe we should start a band. The last band on Earth. There'd be no one to listen to it.


It would be so ironic.

What's gonna happen?  You'll have to buy The Zombie Feed anthology Vol. 1 to find out!  Plus 16 other zombie-licious stories to eat your brains and transform your body!
Here's the link:

The Zombie Feed: Volume 1

What are you waiting for?  ORDER NOW!

Love,
Danger

Bump in the Night!

For anyone who's interested, I had a 100 character short story on The Drabblecast [episode 194] this week! 
It's literally three sentences long.  They call it a 'Twit-Fic'.
This story can only be enjoyed aurally, so you can either grab it off of iTunes, or click on the link:

HERE

If you want to just hear my meager contribution, it's during the last minute or so, but I implore you to listen to the entire show.  It's one of my personal favorites.  I even had a 100-word short story called MY WIFE IS A HEAD OF LETTUCE featured in episode 167!

Get to it, kids.
Until next time,
!_Slater

Adam!

He's your best friend!
He's my best friend!
He's EVERYBODY'S best friend!
Read my latest short story ADAM over at Negative Suck!
Get to it.

ADAM

Your second best friend,
Danger!